Do not, I repeat, DO NOT be that girl.
In the grand scheme of things, it really is important to maintain an image of a sociable person. If you are invited to a gathering, the worst thing you could possibly do is sit in a corner and not say a word.
It doesn't matter what people are doing at the event, you should do it too. If it is something that you simply cannot take part in (hard drugs or orgies, for example), either relax and open your mind to it, or simply excuse yourself and leave. If it is something like playing a card game or having a conversation, take part in it.
By not taking part in the activity, not only are you making it obvious to everyone present that you are not comfortable, but you are making them uncomfortable too.
In case you are particularly socially awkward, here are a few tips that will ensure you never to become "that girl."
1. Read the newspaper everyday. Even if you only read the front page, you can bring up a topic that others will likely know about, which will lead to a decent conversation. News conversations are generally not ideal, but it could lead to other, better conversations.
2. Know the group dynamic. If you know that the people you are hanging out with hate your other friends, do not mention them. Try to find out who is dating whom, who hates whom, and who has fucked whom. It not only keeps you from saying things that will piss people off, it helps you know whats going on when people start gossiping. When they do, you must offer an opinion. Do not say, "Well I don't really know her." Nothing bonds people better than agreeing on something evil, like how fat someone got.
3. If people are drinking, drink. If you are not a drinker, you have no business being at that particular gathering. If people are not drinking, you should leave because that party sounds lame.
4. Do not criticize someone who is at the party. For example, do not say, "Maybe you should slow down, you've had 13 beers." The only time it is OK to do that is if you are joking with someone. Never tell someone to stop drinking if you are not really, really good friends with them. Also don't say anything negative about the gathering. Don't criticize the music, the food, or the crowd.
I found it necessary to vent on this particular subject. It's crazy to me that some people just don't know how to be fun. If you stick to these tips, people will not likely talk shit about you when you leave, and you will probably be invited to another party of theirs.
Heed my advice: Do not suck at parties.
Mar 16, 2009
Likes and Dislikes, Abridged Version
First, I would like to begin with a summary of what is true and what is not about southerners. We do love our sweet tea.
There is an art to sweet tea though. It can’t be too sweet and it can’t be too strong. The secret is to put cold water in a pot with two tea bags, bring the water to a boil, and then let the bags steep for five minutes. You then pour the mixture into a pitcher with one cup of Dixie sugar. Stir, and add water. If someone drinks a glass of your tea and then says, “As a matter of fact, I’ll just have a glass of water or a Coke if you’ve got it,” you have made an error.
Second, we do love our Coca Cola. People from North Carolina tend to prefer Pepsi, and are therefore not considered southerners.
The only good thing about Florida is Disney World. The Florida Gators are hated by the rest of the south, as are its tacky buildings and white-trash population.
Coke is the official soft drink of Disney World.
One of the biggest misconceptions of the South is that we are all Baptists. This is entirely untrue. We love too many earthly things in the south. Whether you grew up in a double-wide (in Florida) or in your family’s antebellum plantation home on the Santee River, there was something indulgent in your house. We love sex, good food, dirty jokes and strong cocktails.
A Sunday in a Baptist church is like one big reminder that each of our lavish habits is another brick in the sidewalk headed to hell. This is simply unsavory, especially since church, for many people, is about fashion, gossip, and brunch. That is why the South is heavily populated with Methodists and Presbyterians.
An account of a young southerner’s Saturday night often sounds a lot like a reading of the seven deadly sins. We are fans of what the church likes to call “joyous worship,” i.e. church that doesn’t make you feel bad about your transgressions, because we all know there will be a Bloody Mary in your hand within thirty minutes of the benediction- lets talk about what a forgiving and gracious God we have and get out of here in an hour.
Southern daddies take pride, perhaps above anything else, in their southern daughters. If they have pretty girls, fathers put pictures of them all over their offices, take their Girl Scout cookie order forms to work, and allow them to pick out whatever dress they’d like for the prom.
If they were not blessed with a pretty girl, they will put their daughter on every sports team available and make sure they get the best grades. This all comes down to marriage. The fathers of the pretty girls know their daughters will have no problem marrying well, and do not stress out about a C on a report card. Fathers of ugly girls worry that their daughters will have a harder time marrying well, and they have to make up for it elsewhere.
If you take a look in a high school parking lot, you will find that the nicer cars often belong to the uglier girls. This is their fathers’ doing. The fathers of pretty girls know that their daughters are attractive and confident enough to be able to drive an uncool car and still be popular. The ugly girls’ dads feel the need to compensate- they don’t want their girl to be the ugly girl and drive the beater car.
Once graduation comes around, the pretty girl’s father will often go into debt to make sure that his pretty girl has everything she needs for college, including a nice new car. This leaves the ugly girl with nothing but a full-ride softball scholarship, and a car that was cool four years ago. The ugly girl will see the pretty girl on campus in her new red jeep, blonde hair flowing in the wind and surrounded by sorority sisters, her hot fraternity boyfriend and cooler of beer in tow.
It seems vain and dreadfully archaic, but this is how we do things in the South- slowly and at our leisure. We like to be surrounded by lovely things- be that priceless antiques or pictures of our children. Though our states are some of the oldest in the country, you will not find another place in America that does things like we do in the South.
“Gossip is like hard currency in this town. Folks are just paying their bills.”
There is an art to sweet tea though. It can’t be too sweet and it can’t be too strong. The secret is to put cold water in a pot with two tea bags, bring the water to a boil, and then let the bags steep for five minutes. You then pour the mixture into a pitcher with one cup of Dixie sugar. Stir, and add water. If someone drinks a glass of your tea and then says, “As a matter of fact, I’ll just have a glass of water or a Coke if you’ve got it,” you have made an error.
Second, we do love our Coca Cola. People from North Carolina tend to prefer Pepsi, and are therefore not considered southerners.
The only good thing about Florida is Disney World. The Florida Gators are hated by the rest of the south, as are its tacky buildings and white-trash population.
Coke is the official soft drink of Disney World.
One of the biggest misconceptions of the South is that we are all Baptists. This is entirely untrue. We love too many earthly things in the south. Whether you grew up in a double-wide (in Florida) or in your family’s antebellum plantation home on the Santee River, there was something indulgent in your house. We love sex, good food, dirty jokes and strong cocktails.
A Sunday in a Baptist church is like one big reminder that each of our lavish habits is another brick in the sidewalk headed to hell. This is simply unsavory, especially since church, for many people, is about fashion, gossip, and brunch. That is why the South is heavily populated with Methodists and Presbyterians.
An account of a young southerner’s Saturday night often sounds a lot like a reading of the seven deadly sins. We are fans of what the church likes to call “joyous worship,” i.e. church that doesn’t make you feel bad about your transgressions, because we all know there will be a Bloody Mary in your hand within thirty minutes of the benediction- lets talk about what a forgiving and gracious God we have and get out of here in an hour.
Southern daddies take pride, perhaps above anything else, in their southern daughters. If they have pretty girls, fathers put pictures of them all over their offices, take their Girl Scout cookie order forms to work, and allow them to pick out whatever dress they’d like for the prom.
If they were not blessed with a pretty girl, they will put their daughter on every sports team available and make sure they get the best grades. This all comes down to marriage. The fathers of the pretty girls know their daughters will have no problem marrying well, and do not stress out about a C on a report card. Fathers of ugly girls worry that their daughters will have a harder time marrying well, and they have to make up for it elsewhere.
If you take a look in a high school parking lot, you will find that the nicer cars often belong to the uglier girls. This is their fathers’ doing. The fathers of pretty girls know that their daughters are attractive and confident enough to be able to drive an uncool car and still be popular. The ugly girls’ dads feel the need to compensate- they don’t want their girl to be the ugly girl and drive the beater car.
Once graduation comes around, the pretty girl’s father will often go into debt to make sure that his pretty girl has everything she needs for college, including a nice new car. This leaves the ugly girl with nothing but a full-ride softball scholarship, and a car that was cool four years ago. The ugly girl will see the pretty girl on campus in her new red jeep, blonde hair flowing in the wind and surrounded by sorority sisters, her hot fraternity boyfriend and cooler of beer in tow.
It seems vain and dreadfully archaic, but this is how we do things in the South- slowly and at our leisure. We like to be surrounded by lovely things- be that priceless antiques or pictures of our children. Though our states are some of the oldest in the country, you will not find another place in America that does things like we do in the South.
“Gossip is like hard currency in this town. Folks are just paying their bills.”
Okay, this blog was originally for a public relations class, and I have not logged on since 2007. Here's my situation: I hate work. I don't want to work at a desk, I don't want to work in an office. My dream job would be to write for a living, because its what I'm good at. It comes naturally to me because I love telling good stories.
Another important thing to understand-- I'm the queen of misfortune/fortune. That doesn't make much sense to most people until you hear a few of my stories. Strange, and I do mean strange things happen to me on a daily basis. My life is pretty much a story of irony, because I am extremely unlucky when it comes to things like love and money. I do have a talent for being at the right place at the right time and meeting fantastic people who change my life for the better every day, and in that sense, I am incredibly fortunate.
Basically, what I am doing with this blog is putting up my stories for everyone to see. Most of them are true, but some will be fiction. Some of these stories are racy, some are breathtakingly romantic, and many are sad. I hope that you have a good time reading them and deciding whether you think they are true or not; I know I will have a good time writing them, and I know damn well I've had a great time living them.
So here's a little background. I live in beautiful Charleston, South Carolina-- a place that is literally frozen in time. My house is on one of the most sought-after streets in town and I see a lot of cool things from my patio. I am a student at the College of Charleston and have one of the tightest-knit groups of friends imaginable. Maybe if you've never been to Charleston, you won't understand. But those of you who have visited our fair city know that there is something in the air down here-- something that makes you want to get into trouble. It could be the cool breeze that comes off the ocean. It could be the historic cobblestone alleys that seem as though they were put there by God to be a sexy place for a first kiss. It could be the blatant and pressing availability of alcohol. Who knows. But there is no denying that Charleston is the ideal backdrop for any story... so here is where we'll begin...
"If I said I was madly in love with you you'd know I was lying." -Scarlet O'Hara
Another important thing to understand-- I'm the queen of misfortune/fortune. That doesn't make much sense to most people until you hear a few of my stories. Strange, and I do mean strange things happen to me on a daily basis. My life is pretty much a story of irony, because I am extremely unlucky when it comes to things like love and money. I do have a talent for being at the right place at the right time and meeting fantastic people who change my life for the better every day, and in that sense, I am incredibly fortunate.
Basically, what I am doing with this blog is putting up my stories for everyone to see. Most of them are true, but some will be fiction. Some of these stories are racy, some are breathtakingly romantic, and many are sad. I hope that you have a good time reading them and deciding whether you think they are true or not; I know I will have a good time writing them, and I know damn well I've had a great time living them.
So here's a little background. I live in beautiful Charleston, South Carolina-- a place that is literally frozen in time. My house is on one of the most sought-after streets in town and I see a lot of cool things from my patio. I am a student at the College of Charleston and have one of the tightest-knit groups of friends imaginable. Maybe if you've never been to Charleston, you won't understand. But those of you who have visited our fair city know that there is something in the air down here-- something that makes you want to get into trouble. It could be the cool breeze that comes off the ocean. It could be the historic cobblestone alleys that seem as though they were put there by God to be a sexy place for a first kiss. It could be the blatant and pressing availability of alcohol. Who knows. But there is no denying that Charleston is the ideal backdrop for any story... so here is where we'll begin...
"If I said I was madly in love with you you'd know I was lying." -Scarlet O'Hara
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